This is everything you need to know about the two most asked-about wine paraphernalia — Every time I talk about corkscrews in my articles, it’s always the top highlight. People will take to the comments section and discuss hollow corkscrews vs. solid. Winged corkscrews vs. waiter’s friends. And if TokTik is anything to go by, y’all seem extremely concerned with glassware. If a Somm has…

From someone who specialises in the stuff — There are not many times you’ll hear on mainstream TV that “drinking wine is like taking a health supplement.” But that’s exactly what Dan Buettner proclaimed in the wildly popular Blue Zones, live to 100 documentary as he smashed down a glass of Greek wine. Specifically, he was talking about…

It’s far harder to be one than we give credit for. — The media calls it PANK life — Professional Aunt, No Kids. The cool aunt. The one who has an interesting job. They travel. You got to them for sex advice. You confide in them I had two cool aunts growing up and apparently, I’m now becoming one to my seven…

Children STILL don’t know where food comes from and in that, we’ve failed them — Nearly half of kids think bacon grows on some sort of bacon plant, according to a recent survey. Whilst that would be AMAZING (My windowsill would be full of it) and it’s rather amusing, it’s also a sorry state of affairs. Our kids still don’t know where food comes from…

Please never come back — The one who slept with his wife’s sister Hello nice old couple, welcome to my bar. Please, sit, and enjoy. I’m sure you won’t be any trouble, you both look as quiet as mice. I know you’ve been fu*king my sister. What do you take me for you filthy piece of sh*t? Fuuuuuuuuuck. OK, just pretend like you…

Even though I’m supposed to. — She looked like an old customer of mine, the girl sat with her partner in the fertility clinic waiting room waiting to be called. What was she here for, I wondered? Consultations? Results? For that special brand of invasive procedures that come with fertility treatments? As a surprise to me…

Because they don’t make it easy on you — Most restaurant wine lists read like my five-year-old niece’s poems. Nonsensical. You’ve probably seen them (the wine lists, not the poems). They could be massive leather-bound tomes that take an hour to read and are little more than the Sommelier equivalent to dick-comparison (mine is bigger than yours). They could…

Can I not eat whatever I want yet? — “You eat like a boy.” So went the so-called burn by someone to me once as I stuffed my gob with all the food I could find on the heaving table of delights at a Christmas party. Chicken wings. Mac and cheese. Jalapeño poppers. I ate it all. According to…

If all you know is pies, pints, and puddings, you know nothing — All “best British dishes” listicles make me want to cry. Haggis. Scotch egg. Sausage roll. Full English breakfast. And why oh why do jellied eels always make the list? Whilst as a Brit I love all these foods (aside from jellied eels), no one would call them gastronomically creative. They…